I was recently received a call from my sister and her sad sobs tore apart my heart. She has been in a constant struggle to get pregnant. She has already been through enough pregnancies and loses and she doesn’t need any more. I have talked to her several times about carrying her child for her, though she entertains the idea a little, she brushes off just as quickly, worried about my health and how it would affect me.
She has a blood disorder that keeps releasing her pregnancies months into them. I think Invitro is something to consider but with her disorder it makes it hard to keep a baby for very long. So, thousands of dollars in and they may all fail. Physically that would be hard and I don’t think she could even handle that mentally.
She has already looked into adoption, only to realize that she has to wait until she’s much older, I believe she mentioned something about 35 or older. Also, she said you had to have a certain household income, which surprised me a little. Considering all the people in the world having more kids than they can take care of, yet they continually have children the rest of us end up supporting. Not to say that every situation isn’t genuine. I am talking about those people that are taking advantage of the system and making these kids suffer, for those of you that are the exception to the rule, I would support the system because of you, but only you.
I feel so badly for my sister, my best friend. I hate to hear the happy girl I know that always lifts my spirits and is always there with jokes and laughs, sad and crying. It literally tears me apart, wishing I could do something to help her. Thinking A LOT about anything I can do, I have really considered the things that I can do to help her.
I know that she worries but I would think she knows I would never put myself at risk since I do have children to think about, too.
That being said, I have talked to ALL my doctors about really considering being a surrogate for my sister.
After speaking with my nephrologist, he told me that I am in early stages and if I decide to do something like this, he would recommend doing it now and not waiting too long. The further along I get the more of a problem it can become for my health. I felt uplifted with this knowledge and wanted my sister to really consider it.
Then I get a call from my rheumatologist and I got the cold shoulder. Not from my warm doctor but from the fact that she isn’t for the idea. I was a little disappointed to hear that she wasn’t all for me helping my sister. She began the conversation with asking me what my kidney doctor thought about this idea and I gave her the run down. Then she says “to start you’re a bit old to be having kids and adding your health issues, I would advise against it” and then she continues to talk about blood work and the problems with having Lupus. Though she tells me that she can’t say that Lupus would be a concern at this point since it’s so early, just the fact of my age should be enough not to consider it.
My age… I didn’t realize I was on my death bed or maybe I did?!
Now, at the young age of 35, I am no longer a maternal candidate for children. How sad.
I know it’s only her professional and respected opinion. I have to consider everything. Really think about what it would all entail. I would still see my doctors before actually going through with something like this.
But the simple fact is… if my sister needs me to do it, I will.