Busted, Disgusted, Never to be Trusted!

Just when you think you know someone, you are slapped with the sting of reality.

You really don’t know anyone, even those close to you.

A couple that I am close to, known almost my whole life, has fallen apart.  When I heard, I replayed all that I could remember over and over almost into obsession.  I can’t kick the thoughts and feelings and I just think about my friend and how her whole world turned upside down in the most unimaginable way.

Though I don’t know everything, what I do makes me sick to my very core.  

This is a couple that I’ve known for what seems like forever.  Two people I trusted, trusted with my kids.  They were two people I looked up to as a couple, as people, as parents and the list goes on and on.  I admired their relationship, their parenting and I loved them.  They were high school sweethearts that I knew when they fell in love.  I watched them date, marry and have kids.  I watched as my friends eyes turned glossy at the sight of him, I listened as she reenacted her dates, I smiled as they walked hand and hand, slowly falling in love.  As the years pressed on, they still had that love about them, still holding hands, still smiling when the other walked in the room.  It was something to really admire.

It’s really hard when people let you down, when you realize they aren’t the person you thought they were.  Someone you really admired or looked up to.  You really thought they were different, nicer, better, more heart than most.  You think about these qualities you want in yourself and those who you think really have it.  Then when you realize they don’t, it’s a blow that hurts and you continue to feel it blow by blow. 

They were that couple for me, people I really looked up to and continually strived to be better people, like they are.  Be as nice and kind hearted as them, be just wonderful.

So when I hear the devastation she is going through, I can’t even imagine.  I can’t wrap my head around a single thought.  It’s truly heart wrenching.

When I hear that she had to turn in her own husband for the unspeakable, I want to throw up.  To think of all his girls and how wonderful they are, I think how could he do it?!!!!  How could he ruin his family and all the wonderful things he had laid out for him?  How could he do what he did to them?!!  I don’t understand, I just don’t understand!!!

Ever since I found out, I can’t stop obsessing about all of them.  I think about the kids and what they must be going through.  I think about my friend and how hard that must be for her and how she must be feeling, if anything at all.  I can only imagine what I would do in her shoes, but the thoughts that come to mind, aren’t ones that someone should admit to.  

I think about him and I feel disgusted at the thought of who I thought he was.  How I thought he was a good person, and how wrong I was.  I think about all the times my kids stayed over there and I start to feel bile rise and my thoughts run a mile an hour.  I think about everything said, every look, everything I can remember.  I think about my other friends and the countless times I know they have had their kids stay over there, too, how that must make them feel, how scared we all are.  I think about all the times I sat with him, talked with him, hugged him, loved him as a dear friend and I feel sick at the thought of what he was doing all along.  Now I think about him rotting in jail for the rest of his life and it’s the nicest thought I could conjure, all the others keep me up at night. 

I don’t understand how someone could hurt a child, any child, but mostly your own child.  How sick does a person have to be to justify that in their head?  These lives are completely torn inside out, the kids will never be the same, my friend will never be the same.  How can a person ever trust again, when the worst thing has happened from the person you trusted most?  

I always thought trust in your instincts and mostly I find that works.  I get a weird feeling about someone, I stay away from them.  I believe in that.  But, then there are those that really, really get you.  You had no idea, but then you begin to think… did I know but chose not to see it.  Did the people even closer to the situation know but turned away hoping they weren’t seeing the signs?  Or were they just as blindsided as the rest of us, completely duped?  How can anyone really trust anyone, anymore??

It takes a lifetime to build trust and only but a minute to take it all away.
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