Going to the Bank!

I’ve often been asked if money is important in relationships. Sure, of course it is.

I need it, I want it and I never seem to have enough of it. Though...

For me, agreeing on it is the most important thing!

When you find two opposites and throw money in the mix, it can be very dangerous. One person is making it while the other is spending all of it. I have been in a relationship where I was the one making all the money and he was using it all before I would even get home from work. Then when it was time to pay the bills, I found myself broke without a dime to buy myself food.

Check out the new stereo we have, because you know that was important!

Disagreeing about money is a dangerous thing.

I have been in relationships with men that had millions and I have been in a relationship with men that made nothing. Obviously, the difference was the drive and determination each one had. The more driven they are the more they seemed to make. While all the pretty things and places they could take me was great, it was rare because they were so driven that they were barely around, which always made it easy for me to move on.

Of course a girl likes to be taken care of and the thought of having so much seems great. It always seems like the more you make the more you want and the less you have. Plus, what’s the price on love? Is it the great bank account and empty bed at night? Trade in some overtime for another weekend alone? How much would you trade for more money?

I currently have the luxury of staying home with my kids. I work because I want to stay working not because I need to. I stay home with my kids most of the week while hanging on to a part time job I hate just to have it. The price I pay to stay home is having the independence to use “our” money any way I want. I sacrifice that to be able to be there for my kids most every day after school. It has made a huge difference in their lives. It is amazing to feel the difference, one I wouldn’t have ever guessed I would have made and I being the “always independent” one would have never thought to make on my own.

I feel like it is costing me a lot to do that for them. But, at the same time I feel like I am doing it for them and there is nothing in the world that means more to me than them. So, it’s a great sacrifice. It’s taking apart of me, but I am willing. I come in knowing what I am giving up. Even on the really hard days, when I think, wow I am not sure this is very smart on for me. I always look at them and think; it’s worth it. I know it is. So, I will take as much time as I can to be there for them while I try and figure out how I can handle this for the future. I am not a stay at home Betty so it’s a really hard thing to do, but I will try as long as it lasts so at least they have that.

Plus, in all honesty, I think in my relationship he likes me to stay at home. I think it makes him feel that importance guys like to feel because he is the one taking care of “everything”.

All my long term relationships have always landed me on the higher part of the pay scale. I have always made more and been the “bread winner” but I am not the type of person to bring that up for any reason, ever. Yet, every guy that I have been with brings it up in every fight. Anytime that is a good time to point it out, that is. Sure, some people would think, just like most women think, I would love for them to make a lot. But, I realize when it comes to men and women; making more than a man only makes them feel less adequate. Someone like me that always is driven to always reaching for the stars can make a man feel like they need to reach past the stars and grab me something grand. Which of course being as driven as I am, I admire someone equally as driven. But, what’s the price? If they feel like they have to do it, it is not the same as feeling like they want to do it.

I often feel like men like to compete with me. Especially now! It’s about how much more can I do that you can’t. The more I succeed the more frustrated it makes them. I am not in a competition and don’t care who gets to the finish line first. Maybe, that is why I come in first more often. I like to do what I am doing without points and prizes attached to it. I will not be less of myself to make someone happy and I will not try and be better than the next person either. I like being just me, just as I am. Take it or leave it, either way I don’t care.

I will not sacrifice love for money. But, I often feel like it’s one or the other. I want to play Betty and bake pies if that’s what we do, but I can’t eat the pie alone. First, it’s lonely and second, I don’t want to be fat Betty baking pies. Cooking pies in nothing but an apron for your hard working man will look so much less appealing if you are the one eating them all. So, what’s the use in being a homemaker if you are making it alone? What’s the use of being Ms. Highrise if you sacrifice love for it? I feel like either way I go, I don’t win. A debate I have within myself every day and so far I am no closer to one or the other.

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